Perfectionism can be a highly underrated obsession for many people. The problem is that if many consider it as a virtue, immense harm too happens with an obsession for perfectionism. This write up is about the harmful effects of perfectionism. It will be wonderful to see how life becomes much more simple and enjoyable when we are ready to compromise with perfection. Perfectionism can be a stumbling block for learning and a damaging factor for relationships. I have a feeling that the period when we are least bothered about perfection is childhood and that makes it all the more enjoyable. A period when none is bothered about the mistakes we do. Whether its walking or talking, what is most important is that we do it without getting unduly worried about how perfectly we do it. You are encouraged to do anything with little or no practice and there are people to cheer. You are told repeatedly that there is no other way to learn other than by making mistakes.
When the child becomes a man everything changes. The first freedom he has to shed is the freedom to make mistakes. The treatment meted out to adults by society is much harsher as compared to children. Somehow we have a feeling that the age of learning is over and all imperfections are punishable and condemnable. The result is often an adult who refuses to make even an attempt. Fear of failure dominate him and make him immobile. If only the world treated mistakes and failures a little more compassionately, I feel that the results would be fantastic. Take the case of learning. Our learning rates drop as we age and the major reason could be our timidity to make an attempt. We fear the disapproval from our peers and are highly conscious of our image. If children pick up so many languages so easily, adults struggle. It’s the same case with a host of other skills. All kinds of learning stop for most of the people after a certain age.
The perfect partner and workplace which do not exist
The truth about the perfect partner is that such a person does not exist. But everyone is in continuous search of such a partner. I always feel that some of the most beautiful relationships are built on the simple principle that each partner accepts the other with her/his imperfections and shortcomings. This is easier said than done. We seldom realize that we are imperfect people and it’s an illusion then to seek perfection in the partner. In such a harmonious relationship one will not fear committing a mistake as he/ she knows that it will be accepted. None of us are programmed as robots to perform error-free. A wonderful relationship is all about this freedom to commit an error, to perform less than perfect and be as human as possible.
What is applicable to the partner is applicable to workplaces too. There is nothing like a perfect career or perfect boss. In workplaces, most of us would have encountered two types of bosses. One is accessible and tolerant towards mistakes. For other types, a mistake is a non-negotiable thing. What we observe is that a little leniency towards the mistake of a learning employee has immense value. It can motivate the staff and encourage them to make an attempt. If the boss is obsessed with perfection, it may be a turn off for some. Of course, as I extol the virtue of imperfection in our lives, it should not be construed that we should not do anything perfectly. On the other hand, what I propose here is that an obsession to perfection does not necessarily help us in learning and what perhaps works in favour of new learning is the freedom to go wrong and turn out even mediocre stuff in the beginning. Look at this interesting observation from Anne Lamott who wrote a beautiful book for aspiring writers namely “Bird by Bird”. What she has in mind is the timid writer who refuses to write for fear of perfection. The writer who holds back his/her first draft for fear of perfectionism. Lamott considers this as a menace.
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.”
I think nothing can be more consoling to a learner than these words. The point is that when an artist or a writer stand at the podium to receive the highest accolades, none will be remembering the numerous earlier drafts which were thrown into the dustbin. The road to perfection can be torturous.
Man as a work in progress
It will be worthwhile to end this discussion by thinking a bit about the man as a work in progress. Of all species, none spend as much time for learning as the human child. While all other animals loaf, man is in school and college. The point is that human beings lead much more complex lives as compared to other animals and hence learning tend to be much longer and tough. But again the paradox is that this learning hardly helps him to become the perfect person he aspires to be and life becomes an endless struggle in learning. Malayalam novelist, Subhash Chandran wrote in his bestseller “ A Preface to Man “
Man is the only creature that perishes before attaining full growth .
In this scenario, the only choice available for us is to celebrate this imperfection and consider man as a work in progress. It will be apt, to sum up with an interesting observation from “ The Denial of Death “ by Ernest Becker. This masterpiece analyzed the human condition where man is painfully aware of his mortality while trying to deny that reality. This book taught me more about death than any other one.
A person spends years coming into his own , developing his talent , his unique gifts , perfecting his discriminations about the world , broadening and sharpening his appetite , learning to bear the disappointments of life , becoming mature , seasoned –finally a unique creature , standing with some dignity and nobility and transcending the animal condition …. And then the real tragedy …it takes sixty years of incredible suffering and efforts to make such an individual and then he is good only for dying.” .
What is our takeaway here? First and foremost it is in developing a mindset to accept imperfection and imperfect people as something very normal. A generous acceptance of errors and shortcomings will do wonders. The human being simply has no option to live in the illusion of perfectionism. Relationships will blossom when you accommodate errors and shortcomings in between. Secondly, it’s wise to attempt anything without thinking about how well you are doing it. We need to banish our fears. We have no perfect day to wait. That day is already here with us now.
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